…”he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken.”
Isaiah 25:8 NIV
Tonight is the seventh night I’ve been lying here next to the the most beautiful woman I have ever known. For thirty-one and a half years we’ve shared joys, fears, and I dare say enough trials for two lifetimes. I cannot begin to tell you in these few lines what emotions I’ve been going through just today. As I watch Robin slip away now, it seems many other parts of our lives are also leaving in small but deliberate pieces, and it all hurts like tearing away small parts of my heart one piece at a time. We’ve made a decision to sell our car in order to try to pay our final expense bill in part (no life ins. and it’s expensive for two to pass). We began giving small things away to our children and grandchildren weeks ago, but none of it truly hit me like it has the past couple of days. The culmination of six years of suffering is beginning to rear its ugly head in this final blow. BUT, we still have hope! Hope in a miracle working God who can do the impossible, and if a miracle here is not in His sovereign plan, then we know, “ he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces…” We know death will one day be swallowed up forever, and that brings a calmness to my soul. This end of life “stuff” is the sting of death, but one day very soon, it will all be over. No more tears! I’m not crying because I hurt in losing her to heaven, sure I’ll miss her more than I can describe, but heaven is what we who KNOW our Lord has prepared for those who love him. I won’t be far behind her, and I’m saying if this cancer doesn’t take me before Robin, I will die of a broken heart. That is only because I want so much to go together. We’ve always done everything together. It would only be fitting for both of us to go together.
Our hospice nurse told our family today, that Robin has entered the “active dying process”. She is sleeping more and more. Becoming confused about times, dates, events and people. Many times, she speaks and her words make no sense at all. Her body is literally shutting down, but the nurse did say, because she is so young, has a strong heart and lungs that the process may take a little longer than most. I’m not so sure I like this, because her suffering is so very hard to watch. We all knew this day could potentially come, but no one ever wants to face or believe it would come. The same holds true for me. I don’t know how long I have, but I don’t want to linger long.
I’m not writing long tonight, but wanted to update you all, so you’ll pray and know how to pray. You all have stood by us and continue to uphold us in prayer, and we love you for it. We’ve come this far because of your faith and prayers!
We are looking forward to a day when there will be no more tears, and we can all share in the joys of our Lord!
Rich and Robin